1  Training     2 Learning to Be Better     3 Relationships change in this lifestyle.   4  For the dominant

 

1 Training
Is your slave misbehaving? Is he not bending to your every whim? Do you feel like she is in control even though you are the Master? Did your Mistress forget to teach you what the rules are? Sounds like you both need some training!

Training is a must in every D/s relationship. No sub meets a Dom and instantly becomes ideal. No Dom knows exactly what every sub needs from the get go, either. Through the use of careful rewards and punishments, a slave's responses grow to be what is desired. Likewise, Doms learn to control each sub in different ways using the techniques they find during training.

Be careful, though, because your sub could be pulling a fast one on you and tricking you into the punishment they desire. It may be tempting to break out the whip and give them a good one, but considering what will actually convince the sub to change their ways is key. As the Dom, you must be both good at their punishment and their pleasure and be sure to make your sub know the difference. And, as a slave, you need to be sure you are really in for training and not just are just looking for a good spanking.

2 Learning to Be Better

According to The New Webster's Encyclopedic Dictionary to train is "to develop or form the habits, thoughts, or behavior of a person by discipline, and instruction. To make proficient by instruction, and practice. To discipline or instruct (an animal) in the performance of a task or tricks". (Of course I picked thru the definitions to choose the ones that best fit my purpose here).   

   Training then is the education, instruction, or discipline of a person or thing that is being trained. Training means different things to different people. It is of utmost importance to some, and a ridiculous squandering of time to others. But for everyone, in every new situation in life, and in every new relationship there comes a time to learn.

When is it that a person is worth training to a Dominant as a submissive? It seems to me that there would need to be a natural chemistry between the two people. A chemistry that if built on could become an all-consuming passion between the two. There must be a mutual compatibility, and chemistry.

There is no right or wrong way of training a submissive. Most dominants do not care to, nor do they plan to teach a submissive to do things that will cause her harm either physically or psychologically. Goals of training are individual. Just like there are no two people in this world exactly alike, there are no two D/s couples in this world who are going to find the exact same satisfaction out of someone else's training plans. Goals of training should be things that will make you happy. Make it up as you go along. Accept the gift of power exchange you are handed, and creatively perpetuate it. When entering into a relationship with someone new, don't expect to dance the same dance you  danced with previous partners. Don't expect your new partner to respond to you as the one before you did. Allow in your game plan enough room for creativity and the individuality of being with someone new.

3 Relationships change in this lifestyle. A Dominant that trains a submissive in certain things may be training her to do something that no other dominant in her future will ever require of her which makes most training significant to individual relationships, and people. As one moves into new relationship things which the  submissive spent hours days or weeks learning to do for the Dominant before, may find the need to break old habits... in other words the
training process will start anew, unlearning old habits in the spirit of pleasing the new dominant as completely is possible is a continuum of training, albeit in a different direction, for different reasons... and to please a different and unique person.    But one thing that will not change, even as relationships change and the people change who you may be involved with is the self discipline that most of us take with us from one relationship to the next.

From my personal experience, as I have progressed thru the last six years of active involvement and participation in BDSM I am not the  same person I was 6-7 years ago. I have changed. I have learned a  greater degree of self-control, and a greater degree of self- understanding. When I look back to that very first person that undertook the "chore" of my training as a new and hungry submissive I cannot help but smile. In the relationship, which gave me my very first taste of D/s, my first task was to end at least every other sentence I spoke to him with "Sir". Not a very difficult thing to do but you would think he had asked me to scale Mt, Everest. It was so hard to do. I wanted submission, I was so hungry for it but there was a battle that took place inside of me, a piece of me that didn't
want it, as badly as another piece of me did want it. This was a battle that every new submissive has to fight within his or herself, there is really no help for it. My first Master exhibited patience, and understanding. He didn't let the rules change due to my difficulty in accomplishing what he asked, he instead put into place a punishment and reward system where I found it most pleasant to please him by addressing him as Sir, and not so pleasant when I did
not. When this relationship ended I had developed, among other things, a habit of addressing my Dominant partner as Sir. Other Dominants in my future would find it necessary to tell me "You don't have to do that". But it had become habit. That special man in that special role in my life was Sir, always before Master...
 
My first Master, to his credit, was patient with me, and was persistent with his demands of me knowing that in time the battle inside me would most likely be won. I look back on it today and laugh thinking how he demonstrated an absolute stolid wall of patience. In many new submissives entering into this lifestyle I see me as I was 6 years ago. The hunger for the power play, yet the fear to truly let it show and the defiance that they seem to need to
exhibit in order to justify letting what is happening to them happen... all the while, inside hoping for the Dominant to come along that is strong enough to stick it out and show them the way.

 4  For the dominant, in my mind, training also involves teaching, explaining and helping a submissive to understand her own mind first so that she can accept the deep powerful desires that brings her to him in the first place. It took the skill of communication, and understanding of my first Master as well as his ability to patiently and calmly explain to me what the underlying dynamics of my guilt- ridden fantasies were about. He helped me see that it was not so much a drive or desire I had to truly be forced to do something that would be harmful to my psyche, and even physical person as it was the desire for power play interaction. For the very first time, the fantasies all made sense to me. And I began another leg of my journey, one that was more informed and giving me a kind of validity
that I could accept and move forward with. Through his patience and creativity he inspired me, his submissive student, to practice over and again doing as he asked me to do until I could do it without thinking in the name of pleasing him.

Training may be undertaken to teach, or perfect every day behavior. Training may be as simple as instructing a submissive to condition her body to be more limber, so that she might be able to endure more  stringent bondage practices while with her Dominant. Perhaps he wants to become habitual some certain way of standing, sitting,
kneeling that is unique to her when she is in his presence. Perhaps he wants her to grow comfortable with certain behavior that might not come natural to her, but which means something special to him, there for becomes important in their relationship.

For many people, me included, BDSM, and D/s are very sexual activities. While I may not always be actively sexual with my Dominant partner, it is certainly going to get there, pretty quick too in most cases. Training is also used to improve a submissives sexual performance and or abilities. If a dominant likes his cock sucked in a certain fashion, who best to teach the submissive how to best do it for him? If he likes her body to move in a certain fashion when he is having intercourse with her... how else is she to learn if not from him? No one else in the world can relate to her how best it feels to him, than he can himself. Most Dominants thrive on sexual pleasure, and giving it is just as important to most as receiving it. He too will undergo a learning process that will teach him about how best to make her body respond to his as he desires. There are some Dominants out there, male and female alike who pride
themselves on training their submissives in orgasm control. Some state with absolute confidence how they can order their submissive to orgasm on command. Others find the idea of anal sex very appealing, and for many it is a must. Not every submissive, male and female alike can easily participate in anal sex, and so anal training may be undertaken to condition the submissive to receive into their anus the penis, fingers or phallus of the Dominants
choice.

If you have been involved in a BDSM community you have most likely heard about Dominants, as well as submissives being mentored or trained. Some, I have even heard speak of "classical training". Is there such a thing as classical training? Is there in existence someplace in the world where a potential Master can go to learn all about the psychosexual ways of inducing extreme psychosexual drama for a submissive? Where he can learn the secrets of some old order of Dominants out there that have lurked around the edges of our society for years cloaked in secrecy so as to protect hidden secrets of some special club? Is there a place where a submissive can go to be trained in the ways of pleasure? To be taught and conditioned in the ways of pleasing dominant men, and women in a superhuman, super psychosexual display of sexuality such as some would relate back to "The Story of O"? Well, if there is it is still unrevealed to me exactly where this magical place is.. but if some of you know.. please send email J.

From everything I have read on the subject classical training, at least as it has existed in America was a part of the old Gay BDSM leather scene. In what some refer to as "The Old Guard System",  people in the scene participated in some form of apprenticeship which was much more rigid back in the 70s and 80s than it is today.  In this apprenticeship the fundamental goal was to earn ones place  in the community.

In the BDSM atmosphere of today, some groups around the country have developed programs, more informal than formal that are meant to help ease newcomers into the lifestyle. Workshops are held on a variety of topics all geared to help people learn how to get the most of the lifestyle, and share information, skill, ideas, support and
friendships. There are people who take their years of experience in hands on practice of BDSM who offer new comers the advantage of mentoring, or advising in the spirit of training them in the proper ways of Dominance and or submission.

One submissive had this to say about what training meant to her, I liked it. "As I understand training, it's the process of clearing away ambivalences, confusion, and contradictions in a submissive's identity – to be replaced with pride, focus, and clarity of intent".

Thru training in the practice of D/s, and BDSM people learn and grow... together. Whether it is the personal one-on-one training of a submissive by her dominant partner, or a group of people coming together to learn how to tie knots, or create sexual magic. It boils down to basically one thing... learning to be better at what we do.

from: Bondage.com